The Unfortunate Pad Incident

When I was younger I bowled in a bowling league in Port Arthur, and every summer we could go to competitions we called “State” this specific story will focus on when we were in San Antonio for State Competition. I went up there with another bowler’s family since my mom had to work and my teammates while we were there we went to Fiesta Texas for the day ---it was hot and we did the water rides and small rides I would partake in and there was a lot of walking, well I am on the last leg of my “cycle” so I am basically wearing a pad “just in case” so I think nothing about it as we walk and ride through Fiesta Texas. We return to the hotel where all the bowlers are staying and we decide to make plans to meet some of our bowling (guy) friends at the pool later on, so we get out of the van and are standing there talking, my friends that I am with all leave me to talk to this one boy I have a HUGE crush on to make our pool party plans. All of a sudden I realize the “just in case” pad has unhinged itself and fallen right out the bottom of my shorts into the parking lot. I immediately put my foot on it as if he doesn’t see it (I think a blind person could have felt the embarrassment) and I start to try kicking it behind me, obviously this is quite the sight and he says “well alright I guess I will see you at the pool” I am no longer even listening to him I am only concerned with this pad and getting it out of eye sight.
“oh yeah I’ll see you there” take off running leaving him and the pad that is now stuck to the parking lot right there. He never said anything about the pad so I’m not completely sure if that was just him being nice or him being stupid and not knowing what it was, but I thank him for not drawing MORE attention to this situation. Cody if you are reading this….thanks pal you really helped a girl out.

Low Iron?

I am a giver. Anytime there is a blood drive at work I will give (it’s the little things) when I can. Last week there was a blood drive, around 2:00 pm I decided I should go considering I had a hankering for a snack cake (they give those for free—score) I head into the room where they are taking the blood, sign in and wait to be “checked” they prick your finger to make sure you iron levels are right for donating and they check your temperature and blood pressure. All was good except when the little guy pricked my ring finger he said my iron was low----not terribly “go out to the doctor to get meds low” but too low for to donate. He asked if he could try a different finger, apparently your blood iron level can change from finger to finger? Just like the other finger my iron was too low ---to give you need 38 or over I had a level of 37… I didn’t qualify to give. The Life share blood people aka the little guy massacring my fingers decided to get to the bottom of my iron issue:
Little guy: do you drink a lot of tea?
Me: nope, don’t really like tea.
Little guy: *whispered* are you on your cycle?
Me: what
Little guy: *a little louder* Are You on Your Cycle?
Me (thought) whoa sister… I don’t like to discuss what’s going on in the old vag. to just anyone… but I answered “nope, not on my cycle”
Little guy: well I don’t know, sorry you can’t donate---but get a cake and a coke before you leave.
Me: Thanks, sorry my blood sucks. *gets up to get Swiss roll cake and a coke*

So sad for the people who need blood, because I couldn’t give, but I did try---darn hard. On the bright side, Life Share blood center now knows my menstrual cycle and I still got a snack cake ----win win I say

House of Shock

There is an attraction in New Orleans called the House of Shock; it has been featured on the travel channel as being one of the scariest horror houses in the United States. On that note we (Jason, Forrest, one of his friends (her name leaves me at this moment, and me)
Decide to go to it *thumbs up (sarcastically)*
It is Halloween night (Sunday) and the New Orleans Saints have just defeated the Pittsburg Steelers so this is going to be an insane trip (to say the least) we walk up and the house is literally under the overpass so you see cars driving overhead---we get our tickets and stand in this hellaious line (you don’t just walk in to the HoS there is a pre-show). While waiting we see characters from inside come and “mingle” with the people, so of course there are people already peeing themselves with fear, at this point I’m fine, nothing too big or shocking (no pun intended). After a good 15 minute wait the pre-show starts, this is a show explaining the HoS with fire and demons and explosions’ –Oh My—it wasn’t too shabby (except considering the Saints won the football game some people broke character, but if you had never seen the show you probably wouldn’t have even noticed. After the pre-show we all start walking in----I think because it was Halloween and there was a ton of people there to go thru the house they didn’t split anyone up into groups they just let us go.
There was a guy in front of us that Jason sort of became buddies with he explained we had never been here and if we acted like pussies to not laugh. The guy was really cool and said “dude, when we get in here we are all family” we start walking in and it is pretty creepy, I was holding on to Jason so tightly I couldn’t be scared (especially because if anyone jumped out, screamed at, or messed with anyone it was Jason or our new buddy in front of us) we twist and turn thru these narrow hallways of scariness and all of a sudden Gumby popped out (this is what we get for going on halloween) it was more about having fun and enjoying Halloween instead of the seriousness of scariness, or so I thought. As soon as we get to the end the buddy in front of us warns there is a chain-link fence maze with a chain saw man you just gotta run of it. Excuse me ---check please, I don’t necessarily “do” chain saw men, but considering I’ve invested a good hour into this maze of creepiness I should just venture forward. We get to the end and this was the first time me and Jason broke apart mainly because we were trying to get the hell out of dodge, there wasn’t one chain saw man---there was more like 40 (or at least that is what I remember in my (do I pee myself or run) phase) I don’t remember how but we got out this was after you would go one way and someone would come running toward you “WRONG WAY, WRONG WAY” once out I thought I was tuff shit “it wasn’t that bad..blah blah blah” but yeah… don’t think I’d go in that place by myself or without my shield Jason ----not gonna happen.

Crazy Cab Ride

Every October Jason and I go to New Orleans for Voodoo fest and Bourbon Street debauchery; this story will focus on one night that stands in my mind as the craziest cab ride EVER.

It was Saturday night and we had just finished watching our last band (Ozzy) for the night and decided to head back down to the quarter to dress up for Halloween and go out. Typically we would just ride the city bus back, but Jason wanted to get a cab since the last time we rode the bus it took us FOREVER to get to our hotel, since there was 241987646871354 people trying to get out there to get sloshed for the night of ghouls, goblins, and crazies.

We get in a line…. Is it a line for cabs? I don’t know we never really found out the purpose of said line, but we sure as hell were in it for a good 35 minutes. Finally this cop comes over to “the line” and says there will be no more cabs coming up here and basically go fuck yourself we aren’t getting you to your hotel fend for yourself. I immediately do what I do best and get LIVID at Jason for not doing what I wanted and taking the bus…. For as much time as we spent in this damn line we could have been there, changed and on our second drink….but no we are stuck near City Park in New Orleans STRANDED. I look for the busses and yep there are none, everyone from the line is taking all the cabs and we are STRANDED!!! I immediately do what I do 2^nd best and start to cry…. And yell at Jason for not taking the bus!!!

We start walking ---where? Good question--- the answer would be THE HOOD that is right folks THE HOOD!!! Anyway we are walking and there are cabs passing us by and Jason would try to call for it AFTER it has already passed us by…good job, finally I control my anger, yelling and crying and stop on the side of the road in hopes a cab will come to us. As usual MY plan works and we get a cab to stop, but the cab is well abnormally full. It isn’t like a New York- Lincoln Town Car cab, it is a full on New Orleans Suburban cab and there are a shit load of people in it. The driver we shall call him Savior Saul (since he is the savior that will get us to our hotel) stops and opens the passenger side door and says “hop in”. Jason and I stare at him as to where we are going to sit, cause the back is so full Savior Saul moves a large stack of newspapers from the middle console and says “here you sit here and your lady on the console” my 1^st thought was EXCUSE ME! One there is no seatbelt in the center console and two my fat ass will squash that console, but quickly I think I can either die in a cab from a car wreck or from being murdered and raped near City Park in New Orleans….forget his console, I will take my chances with the cab.

We “hop in” and the ride is on, but not quite apparently Savior Saul thinks he can get one more person in this already filled to capacity suburban so he screams out the window “stay there I’m coming for you” to this guy who looks like he has been “partying” for a while, we shall call him Drunk Dude . SS (Savior Saul) tries to u-turn but there is a little Honda two door car in front of us that is being a real dick and won’t move up so SS can u-turn (there is plenty of space for him/her to move up, they are just being douchey) SS is honking and yelling and this car will not move finally Drunk Dude (DD) walks up to Mr Dick (Two-door Honda) and kicks the crap out of the car---finally that got the message across and the car moves up,

** For the Record: I could have just died in the cab and in the hood near City Park in New Orleans**

DD gets in somewhere ---I don’t know where he would fit and then the ride is really on, SS didn’t want to go the “main” way since the traffic would be horrible because of the 241987646871354 people trying to get out there to get sloshed for the night of ghouls, goblins, and crazies. This is where it gets interesting if it hadn’t already SS starts asking where everyone needs to go---out shouts 20 different places including us saying we need the Marriott on Canal, he immediately says “ I can’t get you exactly where you want, but I’ll get you close’ ---thanks I guess

The people in the back start to count off how many people are actually in this cab, because they too are impressed by SS’ determination to transport so many people. End count of people in this 8 passenger vehicle 15, yes 7 people over the limit, but hey it is Saturday of Halloween weekend what else are you going to do. We bob and weave down all these back roads and every so often SS would let someone out, eventually Jason was able to get in the back so I could sit with SS in the front and as soon as we hit Iberville St. SS said “here you go this is the closest I can get without going directly on Canal. We pay him and get out, and he drives off into the darkness—

SS truly saved our lives that night, picking up a hysterically crying hot-mess (that’s me) and sad-faced Jason, whose ego was shot to shit from being yelled at for a good hour or so. The rest of the trip was just as colorful as this night…

Stay tuned

Movie Review: Glee 3D

This will be more than a review, but a full-on story….sit back and enjoy.

My friend Amanda and I decide to go see Glee 3D after work yesterday, so we load up and head to Beaumont to the “good” theatre to see the movie at 5:00. We show up get our goodies (goobers and Milk Duds) and head into theater, this is after miss don’t know her left from her right (me) gallivanted us all around the theatre looking for the stadium it was in, but let’s not worry we didn’t miss not one preview! We get in and try to find a seat; this was not hard considering we were the only 2 people in the whole movie. This was Amanda’s first 3D movie so luckily some of the previews were in 3D to prepare her for the absolute fabulous-ness of the Glee movie.

The movie begins and basically the premise is the Glee kids are so famous in their hometown that they get to go on Tour and that is what this is….their concert. However it just wasn’t the concert, it was also some backstage shenanigans of the Glee kids “in character” and 3 stories (documentary style) of 3 Glee fans, and how Glee has changed or helped their lives. It was super inspirational and the concert was phenomenal.

Down-sides, the wardrobe, the concert attire was a bit sad, but I see where they were coming from a small town (they had to stay in character---I guess). Another was no Sue Sylvester, Mr. Shoo or some of the characters we have loved in the original show, but then again….why would Sue Sylvester and her faithful side-kick Becky be at a show for a glee performance ----they wouldn’t ok, they just wouldn’t be there.

Up-sides, 3D….we felt we were in the audience with all the crazies that actually paid to go to the real concert, at times we would see a hand fly up and had to remind ourselves we were in the theatre alone. The BIG upside was us seeing this alone, we were animals …singing and dancing to all the songs after a song would end we would applaud and hoot and holler like we were one of the crazies that actually paid to go to the real concert.

So now the true questions: would I pay to go see this: probably not ---I love Glee, but considering it is only in 3D your option is to pay 8 dollars matinee or 9.50 regular ticket prices to see a concert movie….. It was still amazing though, just catch it on DVD J so you can sing and dance in your living room.

*it almost makes me sad I didn’t go see Justin Beiber’s 3D movie when it was out… ok maybe not ….

Movie Review: Crazy Stupid Love

Today’s Movie review is for Crazy Stupid Love. This movie is way better the previews lead on it to be, the trailer or commercials only show the tip of the ice berg Steve Carrell’s character (Cal) is getting a divorce from his wife and he meets Ryan Gosling’s (hot) character (Jacob) who shows him how to be a real lady’s man. True that happens but the movie is so much more than that, you really relate to everyone in the movie and you feel their sides of the stories. Again my girl Emma Stone is in this movie (see review The Help) and she is great as always.

I must say though the MVP for me in this movie was Ryan Gosling (hot) and yes ladies there are a few scenes with him without a shirt ---sign me up for that anytime.

So would I pay to go see this movie: from the previews NO, only because the story-line didn’t seem to be there. But after watching it for free: HELL YES! This would be an excellent date movie---yes…I think guys would like it too, it isn’t Notebook gushy so guys just might be able to sit through it.

Next review: Glee 3D

Movie Review: The Help

You can say I was raised in a Theatre, my sister has always worked in one and every summer I would go and stay with her. While visiting I would get free range of any movie I would like to see, so going to the movies alone or seeing multiple movies in one day is not something new to me. I decided to go to the movies yesterday as my Sunday-Funday and picked two movies I had been dying to see:

1) The Help staring Emma Stone,

This movie is about a young writer that just graduated from college and comes back to live with her sick mother, while trying to decide what she wants to do with her life. She stumbles upon and idea to write a book in the eyes of the black house-maids that all the family’s in this time have. They find themselves dealing with racism and segregation and have to find the courage to go on and get this book out and their point across. The movie was funny, witty, and very classy…. There are ways I think these sorts of movies are done to be “tacky” where every thing involved is too stereotypical, but this was not the case in The Help. This movie literally made me laugh and cry it would be the perfect movie for a mom and daughter or a group of girls like a “girl’s night” to go to. I am not going to say guys will like it…there were guys in the theatre I saw it in, but I know my boyfriend wouldn’t have liked it (let me rephrase that: I don’t think my boyfriend would have paid to see it)

This movie is based on a book, and I have not read it, but the movie did make me want to go to Barnes and Noble and get it today.

Since I am used to seeing movies for free, I always determine whether or not a movie is good by asking myself, “would you pay for this?” or Lord forbid “would you ask for your money back?” that’s right I would ask for my money back even if I hadn’t paid---not because I’m greedy, but because if your movie is THAT terrible I’m gonna need you to pay me to watch it.

So would I pay for this? Absolutely… I would probably watch it again if asked to go.

Split Happens

Well let me start with I’m not as young as I used to be. Back in the day my friend Ashley and I would dance and do splits since she was on the school dance team. We would try to see who could do a split first or make up and practice dances she had to do on the field—Lets fast forward 12 years to my living room where Jason, Falan and Myself are watching Dazed and Confused. We are discussing high school and how our lives were different from the high school experience of the movie vs today (Falan is in the 9th grade and will be starting high school this year) I maybe mention that I could do splits “back in the day” and that I tell them the story of Ashley and I and our dance shenanigans. The next couple of minutes are a blur, because it went by so fast:
· Jason: You could do splits?
· Me: Could, baby I can do one right here right now
· Jason: you better not you are going to hurt yourself
I get up and begin to “stretch” and am going to go SLOWLY into a split so I don’t hurt myself, but in my awesomeness I realize I have socks on the carpet so before I know it I hear *pop, snap, crackle* like I’m a damn bowl of rice crispies and I’m on the ground in a split. Everyone in the room is looking at me like I have just shit the bed, and at this point I would have rather shit the bed, because I was in excruciating pain… the snap crackle pop was me pulling my hamstring and I could barely walk. The pain and huge bruise on the back of my leg eventually went away but it took a hot second for it to do so. I must remember that I will be 30 this year and can’t move and shake like I used to…I am attaching a picture of my bruise at its worse---don’t judge my ham-hock thighs.

Per Special Request

I have been gone for about a year from this blog-thing, but I am going to say I’ve been on “assignment” to get bigger and better stories for everyone:

1st Entry: Disney World Meltdown

April of 2010 Jason and I went on vacation to Disney, we had a 2 day hopper pass so we had to make sure we “hit it hard” so we wouldn’t miss anything. Before even planning this trip I mentioned to Jason that I don’t fancy roller coasters, but I would do water rides, any themed rides such as (haunted Mansion, It’s a small World, etc.) so our plan was for Jason to ride anything he wanted and I would either sit out and wait for him or go shopping.
Day 1 : we got to see the opening ceremonies, and headed to this water safari ride next came splash mountain and thunder mountain, splash I could have done, but it was closed for repairs thunder mountain I was not too happy about but Jason said there was absolutely NO drops, to this day I wouldn’t be able to tell you if that ride had drops or not because I kept my head buried in Jason’s shoulder the whole time with my eyes closed and screaming!---it was so bad that the 6 year old sitting behind me was laughing and pointing, like I had said plenty of times before “I don’t fancy roller coasters, but I would do water rides, any themed rides such as (haunted Mansion, It’s a small World, etc.)” this was the one and only “roller coaster I rode” Next we ate at this really cool place that was themed during the 50’s the booths were little kitchen cut outs with old episodes of shows from the 50’s playing on old black and white TVs, our waitress introduced herself as Cousin Flo and made us eat all of our greens…well actually Cousin Flo was nice when I didn’t finish my green beans she said I’d better eat them, but I told her I was full and she just whispered “Do they give you gas? They do that to me too” I laughed and looked over to a different table that wasn’t so lucky; their waitress had one little guy standing in a corner since he hadn’t finished his green beans. Once we were done Cousin Flo made us clean up our table before we paid and left to go venture onto more of the park. There were lots of rides I would not do in MGM, but Jason wanted to ride the Aerosmith ride…we walk over there and there is a huge line to get in, he says he doesn’t want to stand in that line alone so he wasn’t going to ride, but then I saw a sign that said “single passenger line” PERFECT!! Just go in there and you can ride I will sit and wait for you under that nice shady tree. 10 minutes later here he came big old smile from having a blast, next he wanted to do the Tower of Terror (no ma’am) that is all him so I decided to go walk down the “main street” to go shopping. All of a sudden I hear singing…I run out of the shop I had gone into to find a parade----THAT IS RIGHT a High school Musical 3 parade, it would round the main street then go to the central square and they would perform some songs and dances---needless to say I followed it then realized I shouldn’t go too far incase Jason was looking for me so I headed back into the store. Eventually Jason found me and we bought souvenirs and headed to the next park. At this point it was getting late in the day so we needed to find a place for the lighted parade that would go right before the fireworks, we find a perfect place near the front gate that we decide to stand, but it is a little too long of a wait so we head into this place called “Chapeau’s” that would be hat in French. We look around and see patches, these plastic round things and these felt-like Yakama’s? Out of nowhere Jason starts picking up all the pieces and start strategically putting them all together “what are you doing?” I said to him “Making some Mickey ears---duh” yes I see it now the pieces come together to make Mickey Mouse ears like the kind they used to wear in the old Mickey Mouse Club!!! AWESOME so we both made our ears fully decked out with embroidered names (yeah I know we are cute) after the parade we get our stuff and head to our condo ---we were beat and had a whole second day to play around J
Day 2: we were beat, hurting, and tired….but we had other things to do in Florida then just Disney so we had to suck it up and go forth---we decided to do the 1st half of the day in Wild Kingdom which is a huge Zoo (they close earlier then all the other parks so we wanted to do all that first.) we had a blast, Jason and myself consider ourselves mega-fans of zoos and aquariums so this was taking the cake!! It wasn’t until the end of the day when we got to Epcot that the heat and stress had really hit----Jason’s one ride he wanted to ride the entire time was Space Mountain so as soon as we get to Epcot we head that way and when I tell him I am not going to ride because, before even planning this trip I mentioned to Jason that I don’t fancy roller coasters, but I would do water rides, any themed rides such as (haunted Mansion, It’s a small World, etc.) and this was a fancy roller coaster----he freaked out!!! “I mean why are we even here! You won’t ride any rides and you are at a theme park with rides this is crazy!” I immediately start crying and say “Really?” we walk over to the area that has the different “lands” like Mexico, Norway etc. we get to Mexico and ride that ride---still not talking me still crying. Finally I give myself a pep-talk and say “stop it Kara this is the happiest F#cking place on Earth why are you crying like a d*uche bag?!” by the time we ended up in Norway we had gotten a beer and settled down ---we were talking at this point, we go into the Norway ride and immediately start going up---like a roller coaster? YES LIKE A ROLLER COASTER---before I can blink we are going down a slope, turning around backwards, and going thru dark tunnels and all WITH NO SEAT BELTS--- by the time it ended I was palpitating and hyperventilating all at once….d@mn Norway!!! After Norway we kept walking and walking and walking ---we were looking for something good to eat Jason would pick something but once we got there it wasn’t what he thought so right there in front of “Italy” it was my turn “I CAN’T GO ANYMORE….MY LEGS ARE GONNA FALL OFF, I’M HUNGRY AND THIRSTY AND WANT TO SIT DOWN” Jason who was a little scared I think told me to come and sit on a nearby bench and we would go eat in Italy at this very nice restaurant. He got us seats and all was better we ate, did some more shopping and Jason got to ride a couple of rides he yelled at me about earlier in the day---finally we watched the fireworks and went back to the condo to rest. We have learned that IF we ever do Disney World again we are getting more then 2 days to do it all ---3 is perfect, but 2 is just not enough OH and I will make Jason sign a contract that states:

I Jason P. Castillo realize that Kara R. Monceaux doesn’t do fancy roller coasters,
but she would do water rides, any themed rides such as (haunted Mansion, It’s a small World, etc.)

Things I enjoy at Christmas...

1. Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes: they are so delightful and never changing...it is a dependable go-to cake for this time of year.

2. Christmas Cartoons: Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch, Rudolph the Red nosed raindeer, and Frosty the Snowman... how can you go wrong.

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"Linus

3. Christmas Songs: This Christmas, Rudolph, All I want for Christmas is you, and Santa Baby. always find myself singing and dancing to them no matter how many times I hear them.

4. Christmas Movies: Just Friends, Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, and Home Alone. It warms my heart to watch these movies with loved ones and recite the lines before they even come on.

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

5. Christmas Lights: you could have the shittiest looking, run down house, but put some Christmas lights on that bad boy and it can transform into the taj mahal

6. Christmas Trees: where there is a Christmas Tree there are presents and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

7. Jesus: he is the reason for this season.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful son's, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my Red-Hot Smokin' Wife, Carley

8. Friends visiting for the Holidays: what more can you say about this one.

these are just some things I enjoy about this Holiday...I hope everyone has a great Christmas!

Most Hilarious email EVER

Hi I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon. This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number. Thanks Shan. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Poster Dear Shannon, That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?" Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Poster yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster Dear Shannon, I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat. Attached poster as requested. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small? From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Dear Shannon, It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster Dear Shannon, Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Awww Dear Shannon, I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Awww Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Awww I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill. I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww Please just use the photo I gave you. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww Fine. That will have to do.