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Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Most Hilarious email EVER
Sunday, December 5, 2010
inquiring minds want to know...
My friend Brian and I were discussing strippers at lunch. Why? Don’t ask, but we wanted to know if strippers are paid like waiters/waitresses or if they are paid like hairdressers….
Waiters/waitresses: do they work for near to nothing like 3 dollars and hour and all tips are theirs?
Or
Hairdressers: are they their own boss and just “rent a station” or “piece of stage” and their tips are their income?
It is a very interesting concept and if there are any strippers reading this I would like your input …how do you get taxed?
Can of beans and Children's underwear
Last Christmas was the first Christmas for me to do the whole “family” thing with Jason and his family. Now as a child my mom just wrapped my gifts regularly and on Christmas Eve we would open them and it would be awesome, apparently Jason’s family wrapped their gifts a little different. They wrap the gift then put it in a box, wrap that and so forth. Or they will put things in it to make it heavier then normal to “throw them off the scent”. I’ve always heard of people doing this, but to witness it was a sight. Jason opened his gift which was in a shoe box filled with two cans of green beans and a Tom Tom box; he had to make sure the GPS was real before getting excited, because there was a good chance this too was a decoy… don’t worry ---it really was a Tom Tom GPS. Jason’s mom goes to open a gift from the grandkids, which I don’t remember what it was, but this box was compiled with the present, a can of vegetables of some kind and like 3 pairs of children’s underwear. We all bust out laughing, because what kind of weight could a pair of underwear put on this present. What happens next is probably the funniest thing about the story ….. I know how could it get any better right? Michelle, Jason’s sister clicks that it is her daughters underwear and says “so that is where all the clean underwear went?”
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The little Rascals
Between my God kids and Jason’s nieces and nephew’s you could say we have a lot of kids, here are some silly little stories about each one and you’ll see why our holidays and get-togethers or never dull:
Falan (14) Poor Falan is a curse on Jason’s truck, on two separate occasions when she was in the truck something bad happened. Incident 1, the day after Jason got his truck Falan, Jason and I go to Galveston. On this day Jason got rear ended (no scratch on truck) and hit a dog (no scratch on truck or dog, it ran away fine) incident 2, Falan was with us before heading to the beach one afternoon and Jason wanted to wash off the truck before heading out there. We pull into the car wash and the back window starts leaking all over Falan, come to find out the seal around the back light wasn’t sealing right and it was leaking into the truck. Ever since these two incidents Falan is frowned upon when riding in Jason’s truck---I mean really what are the odds?
Baylee (12) Baylee is IN LOVE with the Twilight series of books and is 100% team Edward, she has a paper doll that she made and carries around with her of “her and Edward” at thanksgiving they made place-settings for everyone and hers said Edward instead of Baylee. Also I thanksgiving she told her Grandma that she didn’t like the “Edward” from the movie Robert Pattinson, but the “Edward” she made up in her mind.
Caden (10) last month Caden and his mom, dad, and baby brother were in town and when we all went to eat we saw Caden “flirting” with Falan (don’t worry they are not related what-so-ever and ….well Falan is 14! Falan was wearing some purple stone-washed skinny jeans and Caden says, “I like your pants, how did you get them that color?” Falan then said, “The store!”
Jacob (10) Jacob is a bit on the long-winded side, so me and Jason have “trained” him after telling a story to end it with “THE END” so that people know he is done with it for example a typical “Jacob” story would be as follows “so I had a dream where I was walking down a hallway and there was a girl and she was skipping so I tripped her and she fell in a whole, then she cried, but I laughed so I ran and then I went to the store and it was closed so I broke in and got in trouble so I cried….. THE END!
Julia (8) Julia, has had the same bear (stuffed animal) since she was a baby, but it was also her sister Baylee’s and her Brother Jacob’s so this bear has seen some destruction. It has no stuffing in the body, just the head and one foot. The bear has been puked, peed, and probably pooped on, but she keeps washing it and using it. No other bear will ever do.
Kyleigh (7) Kyleigh stayed the night one night and I told her to brush her teeth, at this time I didn’t have “kid toothpaste” so I made her use my regular minty Crest toothpaste and this was her exact words after brushing. “Whoa this is really minty, I’m very impressed!”
Hannah (7) is the artist of the group, I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said “An Artist, but I don’t want to be rich and I don’t want to live near any earthquakes. Are there earthquakes in California?”
Alex (6) Alex is in football, flag football to be exact, when he first asked him how he liked football he said “they have really good snacks and drinks after” needless to say, Mr Alex doesn’t play that much, but when he does watch out he is all over the place.
Carson (3) we are all sitting in the living room and Carson comes in with no pants, just underwear on. His mom tells him to do the “naked dance” and he starts to move like he is hula hooping with no hula hoop. It was just about the cutest thing I’d ever seen ….where is the camera when you need it?
Some of the ages might be a little off, but you get the gist…. It really provides interesting family outings …. This is just the beginning of kiddoe stories…. I have plenty more where that came from so I shall end this with a ….
To be continued and not a The end (like Jacob would say)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Christmas Carol
In high school I was the girl that was in every organization, a regular social butterfly. I was in everything from Crime stoppers to student council, one activity I was big in was Drama club (Treasurer 99-00) My senior year we did a joint production with the Choir of A Christmas Carol, now usually I was a “behind the scenes kind or girl, my junior year I did costumes and sound, but this year I had a part. A real-deal walks on stage part with a name in the program (Not just cast member number 2 or townsperson). Janet was my name and I was the wife of Scrooge’s nephew. I had two on stage parts, the first was when Scrooge is being drug by one of the Christmas ghost and they look upon Scrooge’s nephew’s house where we are hosting a Christmas party. My husband and I are playing a game where we have to guess what people are talking about, and my line was “tight like your Uncle Scrooge’s purse strings.” --- are you waiting for more, well there was none, that was it for that scene and I delivered that semi-line beautifully! My next scene was a bit trickier I had to walk arm and arm with my husband across the stage and get stopped by Scrooge himself (this scene is after he decides he has been a douche his whole life and he is telling us he would like to partake in dinner with us after all. My line: was “We’ll be glad to have you”. Ok, so my friend Nate (who played my husband) and I are arm and arm we start walking, Scrooge comes up,
Scrooge: (not exact ---that was over 10 years ago) Hey nephew I will be able to make it to your dinner party I will bring a boiled goose.
Nephew: (again not exact) that is great…Janet isn’t that great
Janet (That’s me) long pause …..Deep breath …. Wait for it “We’ll be happy if you were there” or some crap like that!!!!
I totally choked, now I don’t think it was noticeable or at least no one called me out on it, but really you have two measly lines in a play and you are bating 1-1 on delivery-----SERIOUSLY!!!! I guess I won’t be giving any acceptance speeches for any Oscars anytime soon and that’s ok, I’d probably botch that up too
Monday, November 22, 2010
Baby on Board....
I have a friend who is 8 mos pregnant; she works with me and was complaining how her shirts ride up her belly. One day she was wearing a tightly fitting thermal under a big shirt (so you couldn’t see that the thermal was more of a “belly shirt”, because the big shirt was over it) and she was complaining she the she kept pulling at the big shirt thinking it was the thermal and it was riding up…. So I mentioned to Jason her dilemma and he said “yeah I know just how she feels, that happens to me too”
Lets re-cap my friend is a pregnant woman….Jason is just a little chunky round the middle ----- now that is funny
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tis the Season
Ok with Christmas right around the corner I have been listening to Christmas music, and I thought of this story while listening to one of my favorites, I have always loved Alvin and the Chipmunks, seen the movies, the cartoon, sang the songs, everything. Well when I worked for the ambulance company many years ago we all would listen to the radio while working, they had a chance for someone to call in and answer a question and win something ---- everyone in the office starts calling to win the prize and answer the question “what did Alvin want for Christmas?” Now being a super Chipmunk fan who can sing every lyric to their Christmas song I am certainly qualified to answer this question. Everyone is calling *ring ring* *ring ring* “Hello 108.5 the Station, What did Alvin want for Christmas?” before my brain could function my mouth shouted out “His 2 front teeth!!!” “Sorry that isn’t right ---try again *click –Hang up*
What!!!! I look to my co-workers who are all staring at me with their mouths wide open gawking like “you moron….that isn’t remotely right” after sitting there for a tick I was able to re-think of what happen and realized that I indeed are a douche and didn’t say the right words of “Hula-hoop”
To make matters a little more embarrassing (if that display of stupidity wasn’t enough) they replayed me excitedly screaming out the wrong answer on air …. Here is to wound insert salt immediately …. To this day I still don’t recall the prize, but whatever it was everyone in the office wanted it and I managed to screw it up royally.
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