Every October Jason and I go to New Orleans for Voodoo fest and Bourbon Street debauchery; this story will focus on one night that stands in my mind as the craziest cab ride EVER.
It was Saturday night and we had just finished watching our last band (Ozzy) for the night and decided to head back down to the quarter to dress up for Halloween and go out. Typically we would just ride the city bus back, but Jason wanted to get a cab since the last time we rode the bus it took us FOREVER to get to our hotel, since there was 241987646871354 people trying to get out there to get sloshed for the night of ghouls, goblins, and crazies.
We get in a line…. Is it a line for cabs? I don’t know we never really found out the purpose of said line, but we sure as hell were in it for a good 35 minutes. Finally this cop comes over to “the line” and says there will be no more cabs coming up here and basically go fuck yourself we aren’t getting you to your hotel fend for yourself. I immediately do what I do best and get LIVID at Jason for not doing what I wanted and taking the bus…. For as much time as we spent in this damn line we could have been there, changed and on our second drink….but no we are stuck near City Park in New Orleans STRANDED. I look for the busses and yep there are none, everyone from the line is taking all the cabs and we are STRANDED!!! I immediately do what I do 2nd best and start to cry…. And yell at Jason for not taking the bus!!!
We start walking ---where? Good question--- the answer would be THE HOOD that is right folks THE HOOD!!! Anyway we are walking and there are cabs passing us by and Jason would try to call for it AFTER it has already passed us by…good job, finally I control my anger, yelling and crying and stop on the side of the road in hopes a cab will come to us. As usual MY plan works and we get a cab to stop, but the cab is well abnormally full. It isn’t like a New York- Lincoln Town Car cab, it is a full on New Orleans Suburban cab and there are a shit load of people in it. The driver we shall call him Savior Saul (since he is the savior that will get us to our hotel) stops and opens the passenger side door and says “hop in”. Jason and I stare at him as to where we are going to sit, cause the back is so full Savior Saul moves a large stack of newspapers from the middle console and says “here you sit here and your lady on the console” my 1st thought was EXCUSE ME! One there is no seatbelt in the center console and two my fat ass will squash that console, but quickly I think I can either die in a cab from a car wreck or from being murdered and raped near City Park in New Orleans….forget his console, I will take my chances with the cab.
We “hop in” and the ride is on, but not quite apparently Savior Saul thinks he can get one more person in this already filled to capacity suburban so he screams out the window “stay there I’m coming for you” to this guy who looks like he has been “partying” for a while, we shall call him Drunk Dude . SS (Savior Saul) tries to u-turn but there is a little Honda two door car in front of us that is being a real dick and won’t move up so SS can u-turn (there is plenty of space for him/her to move up, they are just being douchey) SS is honking and yelling and this car will not move finally Drunk Dude (DD) walks up to Mr Dick (Two-door Honda) and kicks the crap out of the car---finally that got the message across and the car moves up,
** For the Record: I could have just died in the cab and in the hood near City Park in New Orleans**
DD gets in somewhere ---I don’t know where he would fit and then the ride is really on, SS didn’t want to go the “main” way since the traffic would be horrible because of the 241987646871354 people trying to get out there to get sloshed for the night of ghouls, goblins, and crazies. This is where it gets interesting if it hadn’t already SS starts asking where everyone needs to go---out shouts 20 different places including us saying we need the Marriott on Canal, he immediately says “ I can’t get you exactly where you want, but I’ll get you close’ ---thanks I guess
The people in the back start to count off how many people are actually in this cab, because they too are impressed by SS’ determination to transport so many people. End count of people in this 8 passenger vehicle 15, yes 7 people over the limit, but hey it is Saturday of Halloween weekend what else are you going to do. We bob and weave down all these back roads and every so often SS would let someone out, eventually Jason was able to get in the back so I could sit with SS in the front and as soon as we hit Iberville St. SS said “here you go this is the closest I can get without going directly on Canal. We pay him and get out, and he drives off into the darkness—
SS truly saved our lives that night, picking up a hysterically crying hot-mess (that’s me) and sad-faced Jason, whose ego was shot to shit from being yelled at for a good hour or so. The rest of the trip was just as colorful as this night…
Stay tuned
I feel so sad for you crying in New Orleans! And poor Jason! In that type of situation always leave early (You have seen the Oz before) or jump the line and share a cab with two people instead of 15!
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