Bathroom Ninja

Let me start by saying that I can be VERY persnickety when it comes to a “bathroom experience” when performing a #1 anything goes, there could be 45 people in the bathroom stalls next to me, port- o- cans are no fear of mine either, but when I gotta drop the deuce that’s when I get funny with the honey. I was at work one day and we have a bathroom in our administration building that has about 7 stalls in it, regular old bathroom stalls nothing cool or fancy. Anyway I go into the bathroom and head to my “meditation deuce dropping station” which is the stall next to the over-sized wheelchair stall, it is slightly bigger so I can spread out and take a load off or get a load out however you wish to put it. Let me jump for a second to let you know before the evacuation of fecal matter begins I have to do a “ritual”

Check under the stalls to see any feet

(On this particular day there were none)

I listen for the door to the front “sink” area open

(it can be pretty loud)

I listen for the second door that leads to the stalls

(it also can be pretty loud)

When all pans out and there are no feet or any ruckus coming from the doors I know it is time for deployment. On this particular day I felt I was going to have a pretty good crop, assure of myself and my surroundings I prepare for droppage. Just as I am ready for the magic to happen I look down to find a black steel toe boot in the stall next to me! How can this be? I heard no doors or stalls opening, there were no footsteps NOTHING, this person next to me must have glided under the doors and over the stall and land delicately on the floor…. This person was very stealth-like, similar to a ninja!!! At this point my butt has completely shut down nothing will be exiting this orifice with Ninja Bathroom chick next to me, I make myself pee as not to look like the dingle berry that just sits in the bathroom for shits and giggles (hehe shits) then I head to the sink area. I make sure I stick around to find out this mysterious creature so that I can one congratulate her on her mad hovering skills, and make sure that if she is in the area of the bathroom again I can avoid all contact since she is unpredictable in her bathroom ways. I start to wash my hands and turn to get lotion and BAM! There she is HOW DID SHE DO IT?!?!?! The heavy door that makes noise is right next to me and I STILL do not hear her! What a rebel bad-ass, with skills such as this, she could aspire to do great things like be a super hero or something! Once I get my bearings and I see the lady of the bathroom the only words I can muster up is “ugh you scared me” and I walk out. I will not unveil the secret lady’s identity just incase she does choose to use her skills for good and become a masked crusader. Just for the record, I made a lap and came back to drop my precious deuce and believe me it was good!